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Narcissism: self-love: an exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself;

Yeah...that's me....oh yeah...that's definitely me. Especially the last part "Admiration for yourself." let me explain. I'm gonna level with you, and this will most likely be boring if you don't know me, but who am I kidding, if you don't know me you're not reading my blog :P So, narcissism, self-love. Let's wind the clocks back to...October 2008, FEE Round Robin, first one of the year. And I got second place, as Hayley would say I was pretty "stoked", and of course surprised. My miserable failures of the previous year were enough to trample any faith I had in my abilities. However, man's ego never gets all the way to REM sleep, much less deep sleep. So, here he is, me, ugly selfish, self-loving me patting myself on the back, at how you went 5-1 (and secretly beating myself up about the round with Micah, and how my ego got stomped on by having becka decide to watch that round,[and the giggling helped!] I am always afraid of my friends watching me and them thinking I suck as a debater. [read: don't watch me, I'm too insecure.]) So, I was feeling pretty happy with myself, after all...I did beat both Hayley, and Nicole, both debaters who I see as exceptional.
So, a week after FEE is over, I'm starting to think "hey...you know I could be one of the better debaters in the region..." (laugh now, I did.) Of course, having a good RR does not a good debater make. Of course, all of this was totally stupid. But, my self-love, and self-admiration wanted to think I was a good debater.
Haha, the last round robin on Friday gave me a dose of realty that I absolutely needed. And after this RR today, I think God's been helping me to love myself a little less, but let me tell you my narcissistic giant is far from slumbering, and needs to be continuously put down. (so from time to time, randomly criticize me :P) So, the post was basically to make sure I put myself down (in a good way) so I don't think to much about myself.

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5 comments:

Art said...

Thanks for your honesty, Quigley.
I'm sure the giggling helped alot. I am sorry.

I find it a hard moral dilemma when you want to encourage your friends without making their own fight against self-love harder. I can't tell: maybe they really needed the truthful encouragement.

Hayley said...

Michael, do you know what stoked means?! :P

I think (and quite possibly this is just me wanting to disagree with everything you say - dratted debate) that you are a good debater. In Psalm 139:14 is David talking about how he knows the works of the Lord to be wonderful. God has given you the mind and the speaking abilities you've had, He gave you opportunities to debate, and it would be wrong to not glory in God for those successes.

And yeah, there's a difference between narcissism and taking glory in God's creation, but be careful not to detract from one while stamping out the other.

Ack, in rereading your post, my entire comment is just completely unhelpful. Oh well. Rebecca poses an amazingly difficult question. How do we encourage people while still keeping them grounded? I don't know.

Daughter of the King said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daughter of the King said...

Just a note-
a degrading focus on oneself is still self-focus. :) JK. You are an amazing person. But not because of you. Or anything you can do. You are an amazing person because of who Christ is and who he has created you. Be content, but not complacent. Something I tried for my debate rounds that has really helped me is setting a personal goal for each round. For example, "Use four point refutation to address at least four arguments" or something like that. This has helped me focus on getting better rather than the fact that I won a round against a veteran, and lost a round to someone who has never debated before. :)

down in Tejas
Renee
ps. Narcissism is actually a metal disease. I don't think you have it. Every human being has a selfish nature which we are all fighting against, but a narcissist is likely to think they are worthy of worship or divine rights or something. You’re too cool for that.

M. Quigley said...

haha, degrading focus, yes Renee, but assessing yourself as you really are is not. People should notice when they screw up, and correct it.
And, while narcissism might be "technically" a mental disorder, it is more often used to describe someone with a big ego ;)