This blog is not updated often enough. This blog often has typos in it because I post too quickly. If you follow it, you won't be bothered too often.

"The less you find out as you go."

I'm wondering about something. When we do not understand something, what are we likely to think of it? In my mind there are three possibles, and that all three at different times are true. (If you can think of others, please share them)

1."You always admire what you really don't understand." -Blaise Pascal
I can definitely agree that I often admire what I don't understand, and a lot of times when I come to understand it I admire it a little less, or do not put it on a pedestal. An example of this is classic literature. I admire almost all classic literature that I have not read or do not know the story. When I end up reading it, sometimes the admiration increases sometimes it decreases, but regardless I admire it before I read it.

2."And you always fear what you don't understand." -Carmine Falcone (Batman Begins)
It's true, we (I at least) fear the unknown. Maybe that's a pessimist thing, but I don't think so. It's natural to be afraid of what we do not understand. An unknown or vague enemy is usually more frightening than I well defined one.

3. "You always scoff at what you don't understand." -Me, because no one's said this to my knowledge.
I have looked down on an idea before, when in truth I simply did not "get" the idea, I didn't understand it. This caused me to just think "that's silly" or "that doesn't even make sense!" Same with people. People I don't know, I sometimes admire, sometimes fear, and sometimes look down on.

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Love Rescue Me

1. We are human beings. God created us in his own image, after himself. I believe that this is what gives us the ability to love. The capacity to love. Simply by nature of being human we can love people.

2. If the fall had never occurred, than our love would be perfect. Adam and Eve had the ability to love each other perfectly, because God had given them that ability, and because they lived in communion with God (they had it so good, didn't they? Can you think of it...perfect communion with God?) Unfortunately, we do not live in paradise. We have fallen out of communion with God, and that is why our ability to love has become limited, because through sin our connection with God has been severed. 
3. When we, in our human weakness, love someone more than we love God, than we have ironically gipped the object of our love by selfishness and an extremely limited ability to love. In order to love our neighbor, to love the world, we must love God first. He is who gives us our ability to love others to the greatest extent.  
4. If we desire God, and allow Him to work through us, our capacity to love others is increased, not decreased. The irony of loving someone else before God is that we actually cannot love them as much as we should until we love God more. Selfless love is only from Him, and without Him any human love is selfish and limited. 

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"You can do so much better than this!
Get a grip on yourself!"
Stop! leave me in simulated bliss

Stop telling me I can be myself,
don't challenge me!
I hate the motto I've chosen for myself.

I've now forced myself to see
that I'm not through
I can do nothing but agree

I want to spend my days in the dew,
run through a field
But oh! there's so much to do!

I have no choice but to yield.
I must act
there is so much to be healed!

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I can feel you pulling me
leading me to the stream
with each chord I see
a piece of the dream
you wanted to show me
you've used notes with a theme
Is this really a simple key
to your thoughts, or at least a beam
The notes are a bright sea
Which I always have and will esteem.

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"All is quiet..."

The silence chokes me
silence is a sound
words are spoken
but...silence all around

The silence envelops the voices
peaceful, yet threatening
(but threatening its own destruction.)
the silence devours my thoughts
uplifting, yet unsettling

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"I wish I felt nothing"

emotions are too confusing.
they won't stop messing
with my objectivity, stressing
every moment, hoping for something
something solid,
I don't want to want to sing.
All these thoughts emotions bring,
I'd rather not let it sting.
But instead to Reason, cling.
I know emotions are from the King,
I'd like to end this with a little lesson on accepting
but really it feels like lying
because I still wish they'd start leaving
now I feel lame for picking such an easy string
and not bothering
with length of line or anything.
I wont let my emotions take wing
I'll keep them where I want them staying
But, I guess they kind of make me more caring
in fact, I hate my emotions. Such hypocrisy (ha!)
Without emotion would I do anything?
Oh, repeating
now, eh?
not classy at all, Michael, not even a little.

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I don't have a friend that I love the most, yet somehow I always want my friends to love me the most.

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This is made of win:

"Because he's crazy," Doc Daneeka said. "He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to."

"That's all he has to do to be grounded?"

"That's all. Let him ask me."

"And then you can ground him?" Yossarian asked.

"No. Then I can't ground him."

"You mean there's a catch?"

"Sure there's a catch," Doc Daneeka replied. "Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy."

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.

"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.

"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed

-Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

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A Psalm

Oh can't you see what man has done?
Highways, bridges, skyscrapers.
We've created this reality,
grown to make and understand .com
We've fine-tuned clothes for ourselves
We've made light bulbs and cheese graders
Armies rise at our hands,
We've conquered the seas with our submarines
We've climbed mountains with our tools.
Oh, can't you see what man has done?
Who made the seas?
From what did we make our skyscrapers?
Who formed the fabric that we nit?
Who imagined light in his mind?
Who thought of the cow, and made it's milk?
On what foundation has man built?
Who formed mountains in his fist?
"Oh, can't you see what love has done?"
Oh, can't you see what He has done?

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"Hadn't seen you in quite a while."

Dear Forehead,
I missed you, I really did. But more important than that...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for shutting you out for so long, I'm sorry for being selfish, I let your long time friend Hair take you over and hide you from the rest of the world. It's not that I'm ashamed of you, we just needed some time apart...I made new friends without you, I left you out for so long...I don't know how to say this, I really don''s just...I didn't know what I was doing to you, I'm sorry forehead.

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She's a promise in the year of election.

Desire: the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state. (

Everything we do we want to do. We do not do everything we want to do.

I do what I desire.
Desire is a feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state. Being satisfied is having all that you want, there is nothing left out. A desire comes from a realization that you are unsatisfied with your current state. The way I see it there are two types of insatisfaction: 1. There is something missing, causing a longing for that thing. 2. There is nothing "missing" but you would be better off if you had X. (Whoa...I just realized those are very similar to Lewis' "need love and gift love") So, why is desire at the root of what we do? Because what we do in any situation is what we must desire in that situation. For instance, I could go for some raisins right now, I desire some raisins. (Really, I do.) But I desire to write this blog post more than I desire to eat raisins.
Now, there are desires we can fulfill and there are desire we cannot fulfill. So what we do we want to do, but we cannot do everything we want to do. (I can't fly no matter how much I want to.)

We are slaves of what we want -Lonely Nation.
We are slaves. Slaves of ourselves. Trapped in doing what we desire. In Murder in the Cathedral, one of Becket's tempters says "Your thoughts have more power than kings to compel you." And it is true, our thoughts dictate our actions. This isn't really a problem, if we desire the right things, though it is kind of an interesting idea and can help us understand ourselves. Proverbs 11:23 says "The desire of the righteous is only good, But the expectation of the wicked is wrath." Before the righteous can do go, they must desire to do good. it IS there desire to do good. We cannot desire sin more than righteousness and yet be righteous. We must desire to do good, and the first step to that is desiring to desire to do good, they are not the same thing, I'm pretty sure.

We should not be satisfied.
Satisfaction: act of fulfilling a desire or need or appetite (
Satisfaction comes when are desires are met. If you're satisfied, there is something wrong. Contentedness and satisfaction are quite different.

Content: satisfy in a limited way; "He contented himself with one glass of beer per day" (

Being satisfied means that your desires have been met, being content means that you accept where you are despite whether or not your desires have been met, of course contentedness does not resist following any desire...because that is impossible to resist fulfilling your desires you have to want to resist your desires. (Read: Buddhism is stupid. Nirvana is totally a desire, guys, you can't fool me!) We should feel an insatisfaction with our state in this world, with our own sinfullness with sinfullness around us. Desiring is of God, a motivation to action. If we do not act in moving toward sanctification (through God's help we can "fly") if we do not attempt to improve the state of yourselves and those around us then it is not our greatest desire for righteousness to reign. Then what is? minimul effort? efficency?
We ought to be content but not satisfied, to split hairs just a little bit. You guys know I love twisting romantic songs, but here is what we ought to desire:

"Like coming home
And you dont know where youve been
Like black coffee
Like nicotine
I need your love"

We need to need his love, to feel it in our gut so to speak.

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This part is called...

being stupid.

If you were paying close attention in "The pursuit of Happyness" then that makes sense, if not...too bad. Okay, it's story time with Michael (puts on Frezned voice) Are you ready for a story? 'cause it's story time suckers! Michael, for the record, is a numskull, an idiot, an airhead, pick your adjective. Now, I don't say this to be self deprecating, I just did something really stupid. I pulled an all night-er, because somewhere in the deep recesses of my genius it made sense to a couple of braincells...I think those were the ones that hadn't quite died from the last time I inhaled helium (which by the way, was during regionals). But, at around five I got up from my computer, took a shower and got to play responsible for a while, which is always fun. I swept the kitchen floor, and emptied the dishwasher, and you know all those chorse you consider doing for other people all the time but don't get around to it, an then do them to make yourself feel good :P Oh, and naturally after all that was taken care was time to make some muffins. The things you forget/do when you're extremely tired... (Oh...forgot to invert that one....too bad for you guys)

Some of you may have read my facebook status. The recipe definitely called for baking powder, not baking soda. As I was mixing the batter together, almost ready to put it in the pan...I began to wonder "THIS is going to rise in the oven?" It didn't seem likely...then it dawned on me... (being cool is all about leather sleeves! no..not really)

Baking soda...bad....baking powder on the other hand is your friend. Okay, I saved the muffins once already with remembering the baking powder at the last it's time to put them in the muffin cup thingies and stick 'im in the oven (it's at 355 right now...I better finish before it's done preheating= don't rush yourself when you're cooking, especially when you're tired) So...I'm putting the muffin batter into the...cup thingie's sheet..whatever...and, it seemed like there was something missing. The semi-sweet chocolate chip morsels were sitting on the table looking a little forlorn...

So I had to take all the batter out, and being a little OCD I cleaned out the...the muffin thing and started over. This time, success!

Apparently the batter only made eight and a half. The one in the top left corner is the "end of the batter" one ate that one. Now all that was left was to pop 'um in the oven and wait...

Read over your own notebook, maybe try to write your poem for the day (and fail miserably)

Jacob, that one was just for you. And yes, I was really lip syncing it ;)

I can far too easily see my interest in Allen Ginsburg's works turn into an unhealthy obsession. I'm actually reading a poem in this picture, FYI

And then...perhaps a minute our two too late, there they stood...beautiful. Micah, to you this would be the equivalent of a Lego model, or perhaps a robot..the culmiation of you creative genuis...right in front of you, except mine is etable.

The end.

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U2 makes me love God more than any Christian band...ever.

Window In The Skies -U2 (

The shackles are undone
The bullet's quit the gun
The heat that's in the sun
Will keep us when there's none.
The rule has been disproved
The stone, it has been moved
The grave is now a groove
All debts are removed

Oh, can't you see what love has done
Oh, can't you see what love has done
Oh, can't you see what love has done
What it's doing to me

Love makes strange enemies
Makes love where love may please
Sole in its striptease
Hate brought to its knees
The sky over our head
We can reach it from our bed
If you let me in your heart
And out of my head

Oh, can't you see what love has done
Oh, can't you see what love has done
Oh, can't you see what love has done
What it's doing to me

Please don't ever let me out of here
I've got no shame
Oh no, oh no

Oh, can't you see what love has done
Oh, can't you see
Oh, can't you see what love has done
What it's doing to me

I know I hurt you and I made you cry
Did everything but murder you and die
But love left a window in the skies
And to love I raphsodize

Oh, can't you see what love has done
To every broken heart
Oh, can't you see what love has done
For every heart that cries
Oh, can't you see what love has done
Love left a window in the skies
Oh, can't you see what love has done
And to love I raphsodize.

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"Ignorance is bliss."

Do I want to know what is real?
Reality, I hate you.
Reality, you break down my comfort
why can't you just leave me alone.
Fake is fine as long as I don't know it.
Reality, when I discover you why can't I stay away?
you're like a dead kitten in the road on a boring day.
Why do I stick with reality rather than what is pleasurable?
Why do I have to believe it to enjoy it?
Reality, you cut down my fortress. I'd rather not know you,
But when I do know you, I can't forget you.
I care more about reality than fun.
More about Truth than bliss.
I guess somewhere somehow I know what bliss really is.
Bliss is based in good, good in Truth.
If I hate reality, I hate Truth
If I hate Truth I hate bliss.
If I love ignorance I love a lie.
Reality, I love you.

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"You're the only thing that I love scares me more everyday, on my knees I think clearer."

Miss: be without (

Do I miss God? This post isn't going to have a lot of bible verses in it, it's not well researched. If it has any it will be from the top of my head and unreferenced :P When I'm away from my friends (Friends: I have a picture of you in my that standard only Hayley, Jacob, Kristen and James DeFilippo would be my friends...scratch that. Friends: people I love.) I miss them, I wish I was with them. I love God. Not all the time and never as much as I should :( But I love Him. Do I miss God? Not really. Should I? Somehow I've gotten the feeling that I ought to always desire to be with Him in paradise. In a way I do, but there are times when I am fully content, when I do not wish I was anywhere else.

I know that God is always with us, in once sense of His omnipresence. Perhaps that is why I do not miss Him. (And the fact that I can talk to Him anytime, about anything, anywhere...He really is the perfect friend..and I never resent Him for being better than me :P) When I am not with my friends I can become "faded and weary" (yay for Fiction Family references, eh?) but I never feel faded and weary from missing God? Should there always be a part of me that misses Him?

Okay...epiphanies should never come in the middle of writing a post. I do miss God sometimes. The kind of missing that makes it feel like there is a physical pit of a plum in your stomach. (I picked Plums over Peaches because the Peach stole Larry's hairbrush) There are times when I miss God, when I feel that pit. It's not peachy. It's when I sin. And it stays until I make restitution (to other people if need be). But is that the pit of missing God? or of guit? I think it's both...and that separating them may be a misstep. Is there actually a difference? Hum...

Last note: Is saying funny things, or having a humorful mood in a post when you're completely humorless a form of lying? Does that question now negate that if the answer is yes? *AH!!!*

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The enemy is I.

Humanity, why do you slumber?
Why do you kill with every breath you take?
Can't you see what your shoes are doing?
Can't you see what your supermarkets are doing?
With every coffee bean you buy
Stop and Shop enslaves someone
Where do you have to live to matter?
Where do you have to be born to be worth something?
Who is your neighbor?
I am your neighbor, humanity. I am.

A man walks down a dirt road,
carrying his dying son,
calling for his coughing daughter to follow
He is your neighbor, humanity. He is.
Forget about your milk shakes
Forget about your POG juice and honey.
Why do you care about the price of Guava juice
while drugs to save lives are there for the buying
Humanity, what have you done?
What have you not done.
You have killed.
You have let die.
You've paid for rebellions
and perpetuated wars by creating destruction
Organized distruction.
War to bring peace.
I don't buy it.
I don't care about your theories.
I couldn't care for your justifications,
your reasoning's and your incremental ism.
Slaves that ready your stimulant,
and puts shoes on your feet, humanity
they don't care either.
Helping those that help themselves
only makes the rich richer
and the poor homeless.
If you have two shirts give one to your neighbor
If you have one shirt, give him that as well.
Humanity, who are you?
Who are you that throws men into forced labor?
Who are you that kills for convenience?
You are me.
I am humanity.
I buy the shoes that send children to the sweat shops.
I eat the food that someones back was broken for.

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