This blog is not updated often enough. This blog often has typos in it because I post too quickly. If you follow it, you won't be bothered too often.
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A boring story.

I sit at the bar like area of the coffee shop in Barnes and Noble and stare aimlessly toward the counter. I'm hot, should I get something cold to drink? What should I get? There is Naked juice in a cooler, I'm not sure I'm in the mood to try something new, even if everyone seems to rage about it. I'll just got the Pineapple Orange Guava juice I was considering . . . . right.

I cross three lanes of traffic and then jump over the fence to get to the T station at Kenmore square. I'm going to have to put some money on my Charlie card.
I carefully place the Nantucket juice with only a few sips taken out of it on top of the charlie card machine. Huh, it would be so easy to forget it's there, I'm sure plenty of people have done that before. Well, make a mental note, it's right up there, don't forget it. I try to put five dollars into the machine. It spits it back out. I try again. No luck. Instead I try putting three singles in the machine, it spits those out as well. Perhaps it's the machine. I try the machine next to it. Ah! success. I put my wallet away, and tap my charlie card on the entrance . . . thingamabob. A green line train is just pulling up. "The destination of this train is: Government Center. Perfect! The train is practically empty. I sit down, settling in for a long ride. The doors close.
My juice!

Post Script: Later, I get off the train and walk toward the exit. Above one the charlie card machines is a cup of coffee. At least I'm not the only one.

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To love god and enjoy him forever.

I've been reading Donald Miller's new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years for the past few days and I've gotta say . . . Donald Miller can really bring me down. But whenever he does, it's for a good reason.

In the book he talks a lot about living a good story, or what makes a story good will also make a life good. I won't give too much away for those of you that want to read it, but it's gotten me thinking about my life . . . or whether my life is "meaningful" or not. I'm afraid a lot of my life feels meaningless. Or I spend a lot of time doing things that don't seem to "help" me. Even my school work at times feels pointless, or not worth it. Even the things that make me enjoy life, or enjoy living like the books I read, or the poetry I read, or the music I listen to, or the walks in spring . . . these things often feel like I am living in my own head thinking all the time about living.
I want my life to be meaningful. So today I was thinking, what makes a life meaningful? The things that come to mind are saving peoples lives, or helping people out of poverty and starvation, or what Donald Miller has done: starting a mentoring program to help fatherless kids. But then I think to myself "So what makes life meaningful is helping other people to live?" It seems like a pointless cycle to me. Then I realized immediately what I ought to have realized immediately to begin with: The point of life, what makes life meaningful, is the business of making the world, and people, into what they were meant to be. What makes life "meaningful" isn't some solemn idea of "saving lives" or "feeding the hungry" at least not in the strictest sense. What makes life meaningful is making life beautiful. Making life wonderful, glorious, or in a word: joyful.
The point of life as a Christian is to glorify God, and the way we do that is by loving Him, and doing what He wants us to do. What he wants us to do, in the broadest sense, is do our part in making the world into what it was supposed to be, and part of that is making ourselves into what we are supposed to be.
That seems to make "meaningful life" make a little more sense to me. But all the same, I just want to live well, I still don't really know what that means. But I think I have enough answers . . . for now, to go on living in a way that doesn't feel "pointless".

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Three notebooks, each more (or is it less?) me than the last.

I feel like my life has grown more full in the living of it. And in the interacting with other lives, my own has become more real, and worthy of being lived. Perhaps it is not so much my life being better, but my perception of the life I have always been living. But oh! The perception of living is a part of living itself (isn't this what Søren called the "self", the self relating to itself?)

Through others perception, through participating in and being a product of the "intertextuality" of Human Perception, I have become "muchlier", which is to say, I can now better see the muchness that exists apart from me, and always has. And I hope I will go on seeing it better still for eternity.

Later: But I must be clear, it is not that I am becoming an interesting person, it is that I am finding more things interesting, things that are not me. Things that are a part of what I first saw (and most likely see now) as an outline, without muchliness to it. That outline being that God created this world, that he died for it, and that we Hope for the day when 'this too shall be made right". I am growing in my perception of what that means.

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