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Three notebooks, each more (or is it less?) me than the last.

I feel like my life has grown more full in the living of it. And in the interacting with other lives, my own has become more real, and worthy of being lived. Perhaps it is not so much my life being better, but my perception of the life I have always been living. But oh! The perception of living is a part of living itself (isn't this what Søren called the "self", the self relating to itself?)

Through others perception, through participating in and being a product of the "intertextuality" of Human Perception, I have become "muchlier", which is to say, I can now better see the muchness that exists apart from me, and always has. And I hope I will go on seeing it better still for eternity.

Later: But I must be clear, it is not that I am becoming an interesting person, it is that I am finding more things interesting, things that are not me. Things that are a part of what I first saw (and most likely see now) as an outline, without muchliness to it. That outline being that God created this world, that he died for it, and that we Hope for the day when 'this too shall be made right". I am growing in my perception of what that means.

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4 comments:

Hayley said...

You are a philosopher.

Art said...

I don't think each successive notebook would be less you, unless they had fewer pages, or you wrote less in them, or you were less honest with yourself to them.

=) I like thinking about seeing the world more deeply.

Michael said...

What I meant by the title: Each notebook seems more fully me than the last, however . . . I hope that I am becoming more and more what God wants me to be, or dying to myself. Though, in some sense (in a very George MacDonald/Lilith sense), dying to myself is actually becoming more fully myself, if "myself" means . . . being what I was made to be.

Micah E. said...

I didn't understand this the first time I read it. I still might not, but at least now I think I do.

This is very like something that I've felt. I think it is an expression of living, and I think it is a very true one. This idea of becoming more real, it's something that I want to understand and want to live in.

Endnotes:
(On the subject of notebooks: It's you that changes, not the notebook. And so, while each notebook is an expression of you, it is only that you are more real as time passes)

(WV: endotes. It seemed appropriate to use them)