"You would not have been calling to me unless I had been calling to you."

I feel ripped apart from something I've never been held to
Some knowledge has passed to me that not all is well,
that this isn't how things are supposed to be.
I long for to be united, or not . . . united . . . but reunited.
But reunited to what I have never really known
This isn't what I meant to say at all,
it's better.
It's what is truly inside me,
what I meant to say is what I told myself this was about, but it's not.
Is this bare-faced?
Oh, to be real, to be seen as I am, to see myself as I am!
How wonderful! It is the first step toward unity.
To be united with something as real as You, I must be real myself!
Can cloth be sewn to dust?
Can a vine be grafted with a weed?
You are making me a vine,
But oh! do hurry!
How much more can I stand wanting to be a vine before I seek to be grafted to something else?
anything else to end this longing!
Now I am held to you imperfectly.
The beginning of unity does not relieve the desire for it, but only intensifies it.
Perhaps I cannot really want to be with you until you force me into it
To want to be real, I have to begin to be real.
Oh! This longing could not have started unless you had longed for me first!
What perfection is this?

Comments

Hayley said…
"The beginning of unity does not relieve the desire for it, but only intensifies it." Oh, how this comforts me.

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