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"You would not have been calling to me unless I had been calling to you."

I feel ripped apart from something I've never been held to
Some knowledge has passed to me that not all is well,
that this isn't how things are supposed to be.
I long for to be united, or not . . . united . . . but reunited.
But reunited to what I have never really known
This isn't what I meant to say at all,
it's better.
It's what is truly inside me,
what I meant to say is what I told myself this was about, but it's not.
Is this bare-faced?
Oh, to be real, to be seen as I am, to see myself as I am!
How wonderful! It is the first step toward unity.
To be united with something as real as You, I must be real myself!
Can cloth be sewn to dust?
Can a vine be grafted with a weed?
You are making me a vine,
But oh! do hurry!
How much more can I stand wanting to be a vine before I seek to be grafted to something else?
anything else to end this longing!
Now I am held to you imperfectly.
The beginning of unity does not relieve the desire for it, but only intensifies it.
Perhaps I cannot really want to be with you until you force me into it
To want to be real, I have to begin to be real.
Oh! This longing could not have started unless you had longed for me first!
What perfection is this?

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1 comments:

Hayley said...

"The beginning of unity does not relieve the desire for it, but only intensifies it." Oh, how this comforts me.