This blog is not updated often enough. This blog often has typos in it because I post too quickly. If you follow it, you won't be bothered too often.
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Bright Star

Yesterday I watched this movie, Bright Star. It is a lovely film. Visually it's gorgeous. I'm not sure I have much to say about the film except see it, it's worth being enthusiastic about.


One thing I particularly liked about it was how it was larger than the two lovers (John Keats and Fanny Brawne) who are at the center of it. The side characters particular of Fanny's younger sister Toots and Keat's friend Brown are fantastic. Toots relationship with Keats . . . gives me warm fuzzes inside (Micah expression) I wanted to hate Brown, in fact for parts of the movie I did, but he was too much of a real human being to be hated, with sympathy along with his selfishness, by the end I loved him as much as I loved all the other characters.

As it turns out, I can't say I really like most of Keats' poetry, though some of it is quite alright. Also, on a more practical note this movie has solidified my belief that poetry should not be a mans sole occupation but rather simply a part of his life. Keats and Brown spend the majority of this movie either sitting in their study or walking in the fields waiting for inspiration. I loved the movie, but of course I am always up for a good love story.

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Unapologetic sappiness

I

Beauty that transcends physical presence and is rooted in the essential whatness of a person. That in seeing their face it is irrevocably connected with their being, and seeing their face draws their being so close behind that it is caught up in it, and manifests itself as one, so the beauty of a face is mentally inseparable from the beauty of the person. The distinction between physical beauty and beauty of the soul becomes meaningless, since all is one, a unity irremovable from itself.

(Note: this is not to say that if their face were to be disfigured that that would make the uglier, and their soul uglier. In fact, just the opposite, the beauty of their soul would cover over it)

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Things that have been on my mind

"The most powerful word which has been said, yes, God's creative word, is: 'be'. But the most powerful word any human being has ever said is, if said by a lover: I abide."

-Works of Love, Soren Kierkegaard.

"-after which our separating selves become museums
filled with skillfully stuffed memories."
- it is so long since my heart has been with yours, e. e. cummings.

"If God perfects our natures it must expand all our natures in the full richness of the diversity which God intended when He made them, and Heaven will display far more variety than Hell."
-Letters to Malcolm, C. S. Lewis.

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A quick story.

Yesterday, I went to the library to check out a book of e. e. cummings poetry.

I found it easy enough. When I found it, I noticed it looked familiar. I have checked out e. e. cummings books before, but never actually gone all the way through them. When I picked it up I found inside one of my bookmarks (I make them myself). I was surprised an excited, and grinned all the way to the check out desk. I wanted to tell the library but feared she wouldn't be as amused or excited by it as I was. hum.

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"Go, go, go, said the bird"

I'm beginning to feel dissatisfied, discontent. I'm looking at these things that have given me so much joy, these ideas . . . these realities. Thinking about love, God's love for me, my love for people and their love for me . . . it feels gray, dim, small, not enough. I think I am beginning to want more understanding.


I feel somehow as if I've "lost" some kind of knowledge of the reality of God, and the reality of hope and faith that has made my life meaningful. Things seem less meaningful. But, I don't think I have lost understanding, I don't think I've lost what I know. I think I am beginning to crave more understanding. Meaning . . . that I have lain too satisfied with the understand I've had for too long. I haven't sought to understand the glory of God, the glory of the world, the beauty of life more. I've been too content where I am. I've stop searching for a bit and now it's beginning to get to me.

I am reminded that my understanding is incredibly small. I had begun to think I knew something, and now I'm thrown into a pit of nothingness, an un-understanding. A disillusionment with my own knowledge and my own understanding. I don't want this to sound like I have been "leaning on my own understanding" because that isn't what I mean . . . I mean that I've been thinking and believing too smally, too contentedly.
(and now as I'm writing this I'm worrying about being too interested in expressing this and forgetting its reality, or expressing for expression rather than for honesty and reality)

I think a part of this disconnect, this grayness may have something to do with losing sight of the unity of everything. I need to be reminding that the God-relationship is essential to everything, that God is essential to everything, that he is at the root of everything. From this dimness of understanding I've looked right at the love of God and thought "isn't there more? Isn't there something that goes behind all of this and makes it meaningful?" I am not tortured by this, because I haven't been asking it in real earnestness (at least not yet), I realize quickly enough the failure is not in Gods love and the meaning behind it, but rather in my understanding and in the smallness of my mind.

Some part of me is worried (or excited?) that I will not see it, will not see any of the unity of God's meaning until the end, until I am dead and raised again (following after Christ), and partially that is true. But! . . . we understand in levels, degrees. I'm not really sure if I've got down a level, or simply become unsatisfied with the level I am in. I want it to the latter.

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"I love you!" I said that I had won because to love without assurity (in some sense) of being loved, and so to love in earnest is the greatest joy, and expression that I said it without asking. (But I hope it all the same).


I fear to be forgotten, but infinitely more to forget.

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a waiting peace

Teach me to sit still

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Love Builds Up. (Trust)

Worried with thoughts of friendship and unity
I idled by the side of loving
by looking at loving itself.

I tore you down in my mind
by failing to presuppose love.
For love to build up is for love to presuppose love.

I failed to carry your burdens by thinking of them,
my duty of love is to presuppose love,
and by that build up love.

By trust, we become trustworthy.

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