Strengthening in The Inner Being
I have not "blogged" in so long, it is a disgrace. Hum . . . I have my thought swirling in my head and I know I will not be able to write this as I want to, but I shall have to do my best.
The truth is, my dear, dear, friends, I have been very discouraged of late. But as I speak, and think, and try to explain to other people, I understand how foolish my discouragement is. Still, I have felt discouraged, unworthy, empty. But Oh! have I forgotten that I am to be filled not with myself but with the Holy Spirit? That I do not have to be worthy!?
Still, I have felt a heavy weight upon me, a weight of my inadequacy, my failure to to trust in God, my failure to be holy.
"Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Phil. 2:12-13)
I feel the relief of being embraced by God, a deep sigh of trusting, and being held. But this rest is a work, and to rest in God is not to be stagnant but to be freed to let God work in me. And being sanctified is hard. But my contentment may return when I am able (by his grace) to trust in Him.
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith -that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesian 3:14-19)
Ah! The fullness of God! How I crave it with a selfish compulsion! My "inner being" has lacked this strengthening these past weeks. My pride (expressed in seeing my own inadequacy) has taken my eyes off of God, and turned everything inward to me. This evening, I have preached to myself (and been ministered to by the Lord), and I feel a quietude restored. Rest.